lent // ash wednesday

Over the last week, I've paused here and there to really try and think about what I'd be doing for Lent this year. But, let's be honest, few pauses really isn't much when you're trying to sincerely discern your Lenten offering! And now here we are - Ash Wednesday.

Here I am, just six weeks out from my, what feels like, forever healing cesarean. That, my friends, in and of itself is penance enough for me! 

With my first two cesareans I was feeling pretty well after about a month. This healing though just keeps lingering which has really been trying for me! I want to be all the things my kiddos and my husband want and need from me and I really just can't.

Of course God would have it this way! Turns out, He has plans for me this Lent that are not my own.

I find myself having to sit down more or rest more just so that I can ultimately do more for all the sweet hearts that are under our roof. I miss cooking and baking and celebrating the liturgical year with foods and crafts. I miss sitting comfy with the boys to read books from any given location of our home. I miss taking the boys outside. I miss faster movements and more strength. Gosh, I love being outside so very much and am going nuts not being able to enjoy the sunshine!

Do you see what I'm doing? Just like the good sinner that I am? I am just whining! I've been resisting every bit of this little path that God has sent me down with frowns, tears, and adult tantrums.

Which leads me to the word that I've been ruminating over lately:

Surrender

OYE! That one knocks me right between the eyes! Gosh! It is hard to surrender to the physical limits that your own body puts on you, much less the good and Holy Will that ultimately is also right. in. front. of. you!

Thankfully, we have this season. Thankfully, we're called to be faithful in the little and the big things and that we have a merciful Father that wants to walk with us and teach us and love us through it all!

Thank goodness because I've already been stinking at it!

But then I come across words like this from the saints and my little heart just flutters with all the good feels:

"God takes pleasure to see you take your little steps; and like a good father who holds his child by the hand, he will accommodate his steps to yours and will be content to go no faster than you. Why do you worry?"

-St. Francis de Sales

Little steps will continue to be taken because that's all I can manage right now. Meanwhile, I'll be really trying to hone in on my craziness because this sleepy mama has been getting all kinds of crazy lately. Sleep deprivation does not look pretty on me, but that is never an excuse to lose my cookies at my boys or my husband no matter how bad poopalooza was yesterday.

But then enter St. Francis de Sales again with his awesomeness:

"Never be hurried in anything. Do all things calmly and in a spirit of repose. Do not lose your inward peace, even if everything seems to be going wrong. What is anything in life compared to peace of soul?"

Never be hurried. Doing things calmly. Not losing my inward peace! All things that would help me love our little family and myself so much better from this place of healing, sleepiness, and just general sinfulness!

These two quotes will be on my heart, mind, and soul [on repeat] this Lenten season as well as the word, Surrender. Right now this simplicity is what I need, so says my Lord, and so I'm excited for the journey because he's never lead me astray so far!

Haha!

See what happened there? I surrendered to the little and slow path God has prepared for me and I actually just typed that I was e x c i t e d about the journey!

As I should be! As much as this Lent is about me learning to better know, love, and serve God, it's also about surrendering to the good and amazing truth that He already knows, loves, and serves me through all my ups and all my downs. This truth easily gets forgotten in my haziness. This truth is also just hard to wrap my heart around because it's just that good.

Now, since St. Francis de Sales crossed paths with me todayI have to mention how St. Therese crossed paths with me too. I got an email this morning about a book that the Little Flower carried with her everywhere. So, for Lent, I also decided to pick up The Imitation of Christ. I'm a fan of the Little Way and apparently this was her favorite spiritual read! Given that fun-fact, I'm excited to learn more about what made this sweet little saint, who has always been such a dear in my life, spiritually nourished!

So, slow and gentle healing, self-care, surrender, inner peace, intentional morning prayer, more surrender, daily readings, journaling/blogging for my me/downtime, some more surrender, and daily snippet from Imitation of Christ.

There you have it, loves, my little Lenten goals. And, because of time and life, and going to Mass as soon as we scarf our fish burgers, I'm not proof-reading this post! Eep! Instead, I'm pressing publish, and getting on with the beginning of my little journey. 

Know you all will be in my prayers this season! and Do let me know if there's anything specific I can pray for!

Also, read this. It's where I crossed paths with St. Francis de Sales. God Bless!