Hail Mary...
As he fights bedtime. Same as he has since he came from my womb.
Full of grace...
As he softly resists all the while nuzzling in.
Sweetest, it's time to close your eyes.
He shuts one and snickers.
Gentle woman..
Quiet light...
He stills. I rock, continue to sing, and hold him.
Little one, try to keep still.
As he turns and twists into his blankie.
Back and forth...
Back and forth...
It's time for bed. Try to sleep.
He squeaks. Looks up at me slowly. Smiles. Then snuggles in again.
Shh...shh...shh...
He looks up for a kiss. I give him a kiss.
Please try to sleep now. Would you like more milk?
He takes a sip.
Okay. Now close your eyes.
Snuggle. Snuggle. Snuggle.
Sigh.
Crinkle...crinkle...crinkle... (As he fumbles the tags on his blankie because somehow over the years that has become soothing.)
Please go to sleep. I love you.
Will you let me be your servant...
Let me be as Christ to you...
And on and on we went. We danced our nighttime dance. This was the night of your birthday sweet Linus. I let every bit of it linger in my heart. As much as I was tired and wanted to go rest myself after celebrating wonderful you, I let you play a little longer. In my arms. Next to my heart.
You will never be two again. I know this. You won't always want to linger with me. Be held by me. Or rocked or snuggled. So that night, we lingered together.
Eventually you fell asleep. Eventually. Daddy came in to get you. He held you too. I left the room and he put you in your bed. Fast asleep.
Little one, we love you. Sleep hasn't always come easy for us these past two years but you have been handling all of your transitions better than we could have anticipated. Even though you've had your fair share of difficult nights, these sweet ones are coming more and more often.
You won't always be little but that night you were little enough to let me hold you, sing to you, and rock you. Know that I loved it. Know that I held it close to my heart. All the sillies, all the twists and turns, all the snuggling, and all the other little things. And I'm thankful I had the grace to do that.
